FAMILIES MATTER

The word is “logivore.” It relates to “carnivore” and “herbivore.” A carnivore is an animal that lives solely on meat. And a herbivore is an animal that lives solely on plants. And a logivore? Well, this is a member of the animal kingdom that cannot “live on bread alone” (Deuteronomy 8:3 and Matthew 4:4), but must have words.

While some others of the animal kingdom communicate their fears or their desire to mate, only people have the need to communicate at the level of ideas and require a vocabulary of words to carry their thoughts.

When we digest and use words, we are putting God’s image on display. God communicates with other celestial beings and with us. And when we communicate with each other, we are displaying God’s image as communicator. When God communicates with us it is called revelation. The Bible is a record of God’s revelatory activity and pronouncements in history. When we communicate with God it is called prayer and worship.

It seems to me that it is impossible for human beings not to communicate with each other. Everything we do as well as say carries a message. When family members come together without verbal or physical greeting, they are communicating powerfully to each other. We cannot “not communicate.” What we can do, is communicate poorly or well. We can communicate skillfully so that what we want to get across is actually conveyed, or we can give messages that carry a meaning we did not intend.

Communication involves not only verbal, but nonverbal skills as well. Tone of voice and volume carry a message as well as the content of the spoken word. Timing is also an important ingredient in good communication. Sometimes, timing makes it impossible to avoid misunderstanding.

There are two tasks in communication: sending a message and receiving a message. Over the next couple of weeks I want to discuss communication as sending and receiving messages. Fortunately, good communication skills can be learned in later life. You don’t have to keep using the same communication patterns that were used in your family of origin.

By the time we are of marrying age we have ingrained some powerful tendencies that often do not serve us well. And so one of the early adjustments that must be made if the marriage is to be a good one, is an adjustment in communication. Dr. David Olson, in a study of more that 500,000 couples says that the most important area that distinguishes between couples who are happy and couples who are unhappy is communication.

If you are interested, come see me next week and I will share some “communication tips” I have picked up over thirty-eight years of studying and teaching communication to couples.